When I was little, I told this girl in my class that I liked this one boy. This girl was new to the class, and none of us had known her very long. I don't know why I deemed her trustworthy with such an important secret. I guess it was a show of good faith or something because she was new and didn't know anyone, and I felt sorry for her. 

That was when I learned my first lesson in being careful who you trust

The secret didn't stay quiet for long. I'm pretty sure it was just the next day when she broadcasted it to the entire world, aka: everybody in the lunch room. I remember it like it was yesterday.

That was a big lunch room. VERY ECHOEY. It housed grades 1-3. The lunch tables were long, and every class was assigned a certain lunch table. A lot like Harry Potter. 

Within seconds the whole school was alerted that Katie was sitting in a tree. It was a secret no longer. The whole lunch table sang and laughed, and then the rest of the lunchroom chimed in. And they didn't even know who we were but boy they were having fun singing about us. When somebody sings, you have to join, right? They were like birds, singing their bird call. SITTIN INNA TREE. SITTIN INNA TREE.

Then they started in on doing a round. Ohoho. How musically talented you all are. Yes. What good fun. 

From that day forth, she was deemed the Girl of Evil and I never spoke to her again.

After that, the little boy mostly avoided me.

BUT. He did give me a really nice valentines day card one year. It was origami. THAT HE MADE.
I THINK I was the only one in the class to get an origami card. So, at least that was my consolation prize.  (Maybe. Unless he gave origami cards to everyone else.)

Origami! So cool.

I know in life that sometimes we have up times, and sometimes we have down times. And sometimes we have vibratey times where it's up and down so fast it's like a vibration. The trick is not to take the down times too hard. What goes up must always come down, but then it always swings back up again. Everyone goes through this life in cycles of up and down. Sometimes the down times last a long time, but they will always end in some way or another, giving way to a good time or two. The trick is to let the bad times pass through you, don't dwell on them or hold on to them. You don't need them. They only make the bounce back up slower and heavier than it needs to be.  

Hibernation

After moving back in with my parents and getting a job where I felt completely inadequate, I sorta fell into this weird hibernation/slump thingie. It's like I had NO ENERGY. EVER. AT ALL.

After dragging myself along at work, I would come home, lock myself in my house, turn off my phone, and zone out / nap. 

Other people just sucked more energy out of me, so I avoided them at all costs. 

At work I was a zombie, I would just do my job, and then go home.

I know it sounds mean, but listening to people talk really affected me in a bad way. I had the same problem with music. The peppy, high-energy songs that I used to love now zapped what little energy I had. I had to listen to more mellow songs. Not sad songs, but less energetic ones.

EEEEUGH. 

I didn't think it was depression, because I've seen Cymbalta commercials, and I wasn't like that poor complainy soul on the commercial who was sad all the time.

I was not sad. Not really super happy, but not sad. The biggest thing they drill into your head during that commercial is "depression hurts". So that was what I was looking for. Hurt. And since I was feeling no pain, then clearly I wasn't depressed right? Just very very tired.

I certainly didn't have enough energy to think about the important things in life.

As you can probably guess, my lunch breaks were spent in my car, away from everyone, napping.

Then one day, I sorta just woke up.

"you mean she actually has a personality?"

And so I went back home to do my normal hibernating thing. As I was laying there, I realized I was not really that tired. ...What??

So I just sat there with my thoughts. And I was like "Huh. Has it really been like... two years since I've gone outside, or interacted with other human beings of my own free will???"

"I should go talk to people. And do stuff."

"But what people? And what stuff...??"

"How"

"Where do I start"

It seemed that while I was hibernating most of my friends moved away. I must have slept through it all.

But now I'm at that awkward stage. Because I haven't used my social muscles in so long, it turns out I have no social skills. Beyond poking needles into people. 

Does this ever happen to anyone else?

So for now I'm just bored.