When I was little, I told this girl in my class that I liked this one boy. This girl was new to the class, and none of us had known her very long. I don't know why I deemed her trustworthy with such an important secret. I guess it was a show of good faith or something because she was new and didn't know anyone, and I felt sorry for her. 

That was when I learned my first lesson in being careful who you trust

The secret didn't stay quiet for long. I'm pretty sure it was just the next day when she broadcasted it to the entire world, aka: everybody in the lunch room. I remember it like it was yesterday.

That was a big lunch room. VERY ECHOEY. It housed grades 1-3. The lunch tables were long, and every class was assigned a certain lunch table. A lot like Harry Potter. 

Within seconds the whole school was alerted that Katie was sitting in a tree. It was a secret no longer. The whole lunch table sang and laughed, and then the rest of the lunchroom chimed in. And they didn't even know who we were but boy they were having fun singing about us. When somebody sings, you have to join, right? They were like birds, singing their bird call. SITTIN INNA TREE. SITTIN INNA TREE.

Then they started in on doing a round. Ohoho. How musically talented you all are. Yes. What good fun. 

From that day forth, she was deemed the Girl of Evil and I never spoke to her again.

After that, the little boy mostly avoided me.

BUT. He did give me a really nice valentines day card one year. It was origami. THAT HE MADE.
I THINK I was the only one in the class to get an origami card. So, at least that was my consolation prize.  (Maybe. Unless he gave origami cards to everyone else.)

Origami! So cool.

Hibernation

After moving back in with my parents and getting a job where I felt completely inadequate, I sorta fell into this weird hibernation/slump thingie. It's like I had NO ENERGY. EVER. AT ALL.

After dragging myself along at work, I would come home, lock myself in my house, turn off my phone, and zone out / nap. 

Other people just sucked more energy out of me, so I avoided them at all costs. 

At work I was a zombie, I would just do my job, and then go home.

I know it sounds mean, but listening to people talk really affected me in a bad way. I had the same problem with music. The peppy, high-energy songs that I used to love now zapped what little energy I had. I had to listen to more mellow songs. Not sad songs, but less energetic ones.

EEEEUGH. 

I didn't think it was depression, because I've seen Cymbalta commercials, and I wasn't like that poor complainy soul on the commercial who was sad all the time.

I was not sad. Not really super happy, but not sad. The biggest thing they drill into your head during that commercial is "depression hurts". So that was what I was looking for. Hurt. And since I was feeling no pain, then clearly I wasn't depressed right? Just very very tired.

I certainly didn't have enough energy to think about the important things in life.

As you can probably guess, my lunch breaks were spent in my car, away from everyone, napping.

Then one day, I sorta just woke up.

"you mean she actually has a personality?"

And so I went back home to do my normal hibernating thing. As I was laying there, I realized I was not really that tired. ...What??

So I just sat there with my thoughts. And I was like "Huh. Has it really been like... two years since I've gone outside, or interacted with other human beings of my own free will???"

"I should go talk to people. And do stuff."

"But what people? And what stuff...??"

"How"

"Where do I start"

It seemed that while I was hibernating most of my friends moved away. I must have slept through it all.

But now I'm at that awkward stage. Because I haven't used my social muscles in so long, it turns out I have no social skills. Beyond poking needles into people. 

Does this ever happen to anyone else?

So for now I'm just bored.

The Scariest Roller Coaster

When I was a teenager I went to a local theme park with my family. I was really excited to be going, and I equated this outing with the beginning of summer vacation, so I decided to dress for the occasion and wear sandals for once in my life. I was going to be whimsy.

I never wear sandals, even during summer. I think I have something against getting my feet dirty. But this time it was a special occasion, so I decided to "let it all hang out" and wear sandals.

It ended up being cold and rainy there, but hey, I'm an Oregonian, we can handle a little rain and cold. Wearing sandals in this weather wasn't going to kill me. This is just the sort of thing we Oregonians do.


My family and I wandered around the park for a while, and then we found ourselves at the theme parks ONE ROLLER COASTER. And this thing shouldn't even qualify for a roller coaster it is so boring.

But this whole theme park trip was turning out to be even more boring than the roller coaster, so I convinced my little brother to go on with me.

We climbed into the log/car and the ride attendant plopped my (at that time) much smaller little brother on my lap and pushed down the bar and sent us on our way. 

We scooted down the track for a while, waiting for the ride to pick up, but it was going nowhere fast.

That's when I saw it. 

the THING

THE BUG THING. 

OMG.

It was down by my vulnerable and overly exposed foot. I felt it brush up against my big toe and I looked down and saw it. I couldn't tell what it was because it was dark and shadowy down there, but all I could see was that it was big and black and shiny and it had long legs. 

Then it scuttled into the light. IT WAS THIS HUGE, FREAKISH THING. It glistened in the sun. AND IT HAD MANDIBLES.

This bug was like something out of Metroid.

Oh how I screamed. We inched slowly down the track, me, kicking and screaming, the entire way. THERE WAS NOWHERE TO RUN. I was pinned to my seat by my little brother and the bar and that was holding us down.  And Jordan did not seem to notice or care about the horror I was experiencing.

Then the thing scurried ONTO my foot. When I close my eyes at night I can still feel it.

For a moment, it was just me and the bug. Everything else melted away.

I WATCHED, HORRIFIED, AS IT DREW ITS FANGS, AND BIT ME. 

IN SLOW MOTION. 

I don't think I've ever screamed so loud in my life. 

As I shrieked, we passed by this roller-coaster-life-guard guy standing on a platform-watchtower thing. He stared at us as we slowly inched by, disinterested. 

I somehow made it out with my life. But my foot and my leg itched and burned for weeks after that.

Steam and Smoke Are Not The Same

The valley is an extremely wet place. Even in the dryest of summers the air is slightly humid. I am just used to the humidity, this is the air I was born into, I'm used to having mold grow in my sinuses and being slightly moist all the time. I am comfortable that way.

Well Idaho is much, MUCH drier. It's nice to get away from the moistness for a few days and let my sinuses clear and my skin to dry out. But MY EYES. They can't stand the dry air. When I go to Idaho my eyes are so red and dry and itchy. And of course I never have eye drops because I never need them in Eugene so I don't think to bring them with me.

One morning I was in the hotel room. By myself. My family was downstairs getting breakfast and I was relishing the time to myself. I was in pain that morning because when I had woken up, I discovered my eyelids had dried to my eyeballs.

I managed to peel them open somehow, but I was cranky about it. Then I had this wonderful idea:

I'll just turn the shower onto hot and leave the bathroom door open while I get ready. That way the whole room will be all steamed up and humid and I will be happy no matter what. 

For about two seconds I was really pleased with myself. My eyes no longer felt like raisins, and I had more energy, and I was just going to sit here and let it steam for a few more minutes and then go downstairs for breakfast....

Well that didn't last. As the steam rose to the ceiling it hit the fire alarm. The stupid fire alarm apparently thinks steam and smoke are the same thing and it immediately went off.

So now I'm running around the hotel room half dressed flailing around screaming wondering to myself what I should do.

My thoughts:
"OH NO. THEY'RE GOING TO EVACUATE THE ENTIRE HOTEL"
"WHATDOIDO WHATDOIDO WHATDOIDO"
"OH NO. I'M PROBABLY WAKING UP THE ENTIRE FLOOR"
"OHNO OHNO WHATDOIDO"
"OH NO. WHAT IF THE NEIGHBORS OR HOTEL MANAGEMENT COME KNOCKING ON MY DOOR I'M ONLY HALF DRESSED"
"OHNO OHNO OHNO"

After an agonized few of seconds of confusion it came to me! I KNOW I CAN TURN OFF THE ALARM

So then I proceed to run around the room until I could find a chair to stand on, which was inconveniently placed in the back corner of the room, piled underneath luggage and all the other furniture that we moved to make room for my little brother to sleep.

Somehow I managed to dig out the chair and turn off the fire alarm before anyone came banging on my door. It was a miracle.

And then I went downstairs and pretended it didn't happen. What my family doesn't know can't hurt them, right?

Food Cravings

I HAVE TO HAVE PICKLES AND CREAM SODA OR I'LL DIE

Weight

Work stresses me out.

Why You Shouldn't Eat Things Old Ladies Feed You

The brothers Grimm were right when they wrote Hansel and Gretel. Old ladies are crazy and you shouldn't eat their food.

I was drawing a patient the other day, just shooting the breeze with her. She was pretty old, like 80 or 90.

Let me just say that we are inundated with old ladies at the cancer center. And they love to feed us and bring delicious freshly baked pies and cakes and pastries and cookies. Of course since I'm a pig I eat everything they give me.

Well, anyway, this lady was jabbering about whatever, then she started telling me how to render bear fat.

Render bear fat? That is so random, I thought to myself. Why would I want to?

Then she started telling me that bear fat makes the best pie crust ever. She won a million gold ribbons at the state fair for her bear-fat pies. At first I thought to myself: "Huh. That sounds kind of gamey."

But then I started freaking out on the inside, because I worked in the baking section of the fair, helping to judge the food. HOW MUCH BEAR FAT DID I EAT??

So I looked up bear fat on the internet, and apparently all the old ladies who are able to use a computer ramble about how wonderful it is in pies. Then I thought about all the millions of pies I have eaten that were made by old ladies at the cancer center. Who knows what else was in those pies?! BEAR FAT WAS EDIBLE, WHAT ELSE IS EDIBLE THAT I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT?

THIS IS REAL PEOPLE.

Gardening

Whoever said pansies weren't tough didn't know what they were saying. They are like the only flower I can't kill.

I am a person, not your dog.

I HATE PET NAMES.

I don't think there's anything I hate more. I seriously hate it.

I was given a name for a reason! Use it!

And why is this suddenly becoming a problem for me now, when my whole life people just treated me like a normal person. Now suddenly every guy I talk to wants to call me something stupid or creepy. Is it something I'm doing?? Or have I just been running into these guys by chance and it's a weird coincidence? Am I giving off vibes that makes them think that's ok??! WTF

THIS IS A GIRL. I HAVEN'T BOTHERED TO NAME HER YET.

Am I the only person in the world who feels this way? AM I CRAZY? I hear people using them all the time. Happy, functioning, normal people. It seems like the majority of the population enjoy using them. But they make cringe violently. Maybe I'm looking at this the wrong way. Everybody else think's it sweet. But if I hear someone call me "sweetie" or "hunny" or "chicka" I want to puke. I want that person to get out of my face. That's not my name. I am not your dog, cat, or breakfast. Call me by a name. Or leave me alone.

Are you gay or are you just trying to patronize me?
#clue

You can call me anything. You could call me Greg, and that would be fine. Anything is better than "bunnyboogers" or whatever it is you call people. Learn my name and stop treating me like I'm some animal.

The Fish Dream

For 3 years, spanning from a little before I left for college (in 2008) until a little after I moved back (in 2011) I would dream about fish EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. But every night it was a different dream. Some nights it was "Rainbow Space Fish", other nights it was "Floating-In-Air-Jellyfish" or "Glowing-Cannibal-EeI/Betta-Hybrid Fish". There was the "Fish-In-A-Picture-Frame-Growing-Roots-Out-Of-It's-Body" dream. I even had the "Fish Being Eaten Alive By A Black Widow" dream. EW. I couldn't figure out WHY I WAS DREAMING ABOUT FISH. 

I tried looking up meanings on the internet, every result I got was "Pregnant women often dream about fish". WHAT. I HAVE BEEN PREGNANT FOR 3 YEARS? How did this happen? Why didn't I notice?? WHY HAVEN'T I GIVEN BIRTH YET SO I CAN STOP HAVING THESE DREAMS?? Obviously, you can't trust dream websites. Anyway, so I thought, maybe if I buy a fish, the dreams will go away. I bought one, it committed suicide. I bought another one. It died  a few weeks later of some kind of yucky fish disease. But it didn't stop the dreams.

You would think that dreaming about a magical rainbow fish would be a fun and happy experience, but this was not so. The rainbow fish was like a piranha, and would viciously attack and eat all the other fish. It made me very upset to sit around and watch this in all its gory detail, (and to my dream self this seemed like scary, JAWS-like gore), not only was it horrifying to watch, but I also felt extremely disappointed in the rainbow fish. why would such a beautiful thing be so evil? This did not a restful nights sleep make. 

80's ringtones

I tailored myself up a few new ringtones today. If anyone else out there is a geek for 80's music then help yourself!!


Todays specials are: Tears for Fears, Hall and Oates, and The Tubes.

http://www.fileden.com/files/2006/6/19/77535/HeadOverHeels.mp3
http://www.fileden.com/files/2006/6/19/77535/out%20of%20touch2.mp3
http://www.fileden.com/files/2006/6/19/77535/shesabeauty.mp3

To save to your desktop right click and choose "Save Link As..."
Then just email attachment to your phone! Enjoy. :)

Dream 1.28.2012

From time to time I write down my dreams, usually when they are interesting or weird. Last night I had a very bizarre dream, and I actually remember what happened. It's dreams like these that I like to write down. Usually, if I go back and read them a few years later I can kind of figure out what they were about or what waking experiences triggered them.

My dream last night was very bleak. I found myself in a big city that was under a brutal, 9/11esque attack. All around me buildings and towers were burning and crumbling and to the ground. For a minute I seriously thought I was in 9/11. There was shattered glass and explosions, smoke and debris all over. I’m not sure what was going on but I thought it was the end of the world. The sky was dark and active, but I can't remember if it was a thunderstorm (with no rain) or smoke and fire from the buildings, or some kind of war up there or something.

As this was going on little children were floating up into the sky. As they were lifted up their bodies faded away, ghostlike, until they vanished completely. Then their light would speed off into the falling buildings, stopping them from falling. Every little bit of light helped. The more kids that went into a building, the less damaged it became.  Every toddler and preschooler  in the city floated to the buildings. I felt really sad watching this. The little children were protecting the buildings and the city. I remember thinking they were saving humanity. It was up to the children to save us all.

I was with Derrick who is five, and Carly, who is three, and Jordan. We were running, and trying to take Derrick and Carly out of the city before it was too late and they had to go to the buildings. I kinda didn't want the city to crumble, but I really didn't want to lose Derrick and Carly. There was one particular skyscraper that I kept seeing. It had a perpetual cloud of fire towards the top, with inky black smoke billowing up- suffocating - and shards of glass ballooning out, hanging in the air. This explosion neither expanded nor contracted, it just stayed there, frozen in time, unless a child’s light went into it and made it smaller.  The light of the children was causing the building to stand a little straighter, placing windows where they had blown out, compressing the explosion.

I remember being in a moving vehicle speeding away from the city. Jordan had Carly. I was holding Derrick tight and telling him I love him, but in the back of my mind I knew that within a few minutes he and Carly would be next. They would have to go, and it was beyond all of our control. That was just how it was. There was no stopping it. I snuggled with Derrick for a while and then passed him to Jordan and took Carly and snuggled with her. Then Jordan lost hold of Derrick and he floated up in the air and vanished towards the buildings. I was so mad at Jordan because I wanted Derrick and Carly to go TOGETHER. I still had Carly, my sweet little three year old niece with her golden ringlets and her big innocent brown eyes and I didn't want to let go of her and let her go all alone, without Derrick. I kept thinking how she would feel if I let go of her and she had to go all by herself. I can't remember what happened after that, but I think somehow Carly slipped away. It was very sad, and I just wanted to cry the whole time.

Then I shifted into another dream which involved driving really fast on a road that was getting more and more narrow until the cement barrier was scraping the both sides of my nice new car and then jerk behind honked and crashed into me. ARGHH.

What was all that? I have no idea. It could have been that I popped two advils and covered myself in icy hot before bed.  All I can say is the last time I do that. Hur hur.

Intro

Welcome to my blog! I have no idea how to start!!

CAUTION: This blog is my attempt to exercise my creative side. I haven't done anything creative for a while, and I'm out of practice! So read at your own risk!
Besides, all the cool kids are writing in blogs.

So logically, if I write in a blog I will:

A: be a cool kid.

B: be more creative

C: my life will be better

D: things will be awesome

I hope you have fun on my blog! I will try to make it as entertaining as possible! I think it will sort of be like a scrap-bookie/ journally kind of thing. Only more fun!