I Grew Tomatoes

It's a miracle. Seriously. I just planted these seeds in the ground,  AND THEN THEY GREW. That never happens to me.

I think all these old people and their green thumbs are rubbing off on me.  We just talk about gardening all day, and now I can't stop doing it. They keep giving me all these good ideas and stuff. And look look! The homemade tomatoes are so much more red then the store bought! (as you can see with the sliced tomatoes- the ones on the left are home grown and the ones on the right are store bought.)  And they taste way better!

I could get used to this!

Did you know tomatoes are nightshade plants? Nightshade, as in the poison that they used to use in the dark ages. Nightshade, like they kind women used to put in their eyes so their pupils would be bigger. So if you ever feel weird after eating tomatoes, you probably have an allergy to nightshade. 

Which I wouldn't blame you. Since they kill people with nightshade.

Just a little tidbit for you.

Anyway.

Out of all the tomatoes, my favorites were the Cherokees (full size) and the Sunsweet (mini, orange), Tumbling Tom (mini, yellow), and Cherry tomatoes. They made great pasta salad, which is a staple in my house. So I think I'll be doing those ones next year. 

Why You Shouldn't Eat Things Old Ladies Feed You

The brothers Grimm were right when they wrote Hansel and Gretel. Old ladies are crazy and you shouldn't eat their food.

I was drawing a patient the other day, just shooting the breeze with her. She was pretty old, like 80 or 90.

Let me just say that we are inundated with old ladies at the cancer center. And they love to feed us and bring delicious freshly baked pies and cakes and pastries and cookies. Of course since I'm a pig I eat everything they give me.

Well, anyway, this lady was jabbering about whatever, then she started telling me how to render bear fat.

Render bear fat? That is so random, I thought to myself. Why would I want to?

Then she started telling me that bear fat makes the best pie crust ever. She won a million gold ribbons at the state fair for her bear-fat pies. At first I thought to myself: "Huh. That sounds kind of gamey."

But then I started freaking out on the inside, because I worked in the baking section of the fair, helping to judge the food. HOW MUCH BEAR FAT DID I EAT??

So I looked up bear fat on the internet, and apparently all the old ladies who are able to use a computer ramble about how wonderful it is in pies. Then I thought about all the millions of pies I have eaten that were made by old ladies at the cancer center. Who knows what else was in those pies?! BEAR FAT WAS EDIBLE, WHAT ELSE IS EDIBLE THAT I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT?

THIS IS REAL PEOPLE.