Why You Shouldn't Eat Things Old Ladies Feed You

The brothers Grimm were right when they wrote Hansel and Gretel. Old ladies are crazy and you shouldn't eat their food.

I was drawing a patient the other day, just shooting the breeze with her. She was pretty old, like 80 or 90.

Let me just say that we are inundated with old ladies at the cancer center. And they love to feed us and bring delicious freshly baked pies and cakes and pastries and cookies. Of course since I'm a pig I eat everything they give me.

Well, anyway, this lady was jabbering about whatever, then she started telling me how to render bear fat.

Render bear fat? That is so random, I thought to myself. Why would I want to?

Then she started telling me that bear fat makes the best pie crust ever. She won a million gold ribbons at the state fair for her bear-fat pies. At first I thought to myself: "Huh. That sounds kind of gamey."

But then I started freaking out on the inside, because I worked in the baking section of the fair, helping to judge the food. HOW MUCH BEAR FAT DID I EAT??

So I looked up bear fat on the internet, and apparently all the old ladies who are able to use a computer ramble about how wonderful it is in pies. Then I thought about all the millions of pies I have eaten that were made by old ladies at the cancer center. Who knows what else was in those pies?! BEAR FAT WAS EDIBLE, WHAT ELSE IS EDIBLE THAT I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT?

THIS IS REAL PEOPLE.